Gift Lists 2.0
Or, a beloved holiday tradition
I’ve cried a bunch of times in the last week. I wrote the last post on election day, and kept revising it as the night went on, but there was still hope when I scheduled it and went to bed, even if there was also a lot of dread. Now, it’s just all dread and anger. I think I did the stages of grief out of order, because I think this is the end, not the beginning. Just a constant simmering rage.
Last year the gift ideas were inspired by my irritation with certain family members. This year it’s inspired by the millions of Americans I’m furious at. And I’m doing it early, so we all have time to order our gifts directly from the producers and not enrich a billionaire. So without further ado, some a gift ideas post 2.0 to prepare for Trump 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Wait, a little bit more ado, to say these aren’t affiliate links or #SponCon. I’m not saying I can’t be bought, it’s just that nobody wants to buy me. Anyway, just like last year, this is all just for my entertainment purposes. Okay. For real now. Gift ideas.
Clothing
Specifically women’s pants, because who knows how much longer we’ll be allowed to wear them.
This is mainly a joke, although if you are old enough to have grown up on black and white reruns of I Love Lucy and The Dick Van Dyke Show, it's kind of not. The MAGA movement wants us to return to the golden era of “before,” and while they're never very specific about when that is, “pre-Civil Rights Era” is a pretty good guess based on their demographics. Anyway, it was actually a huge deal that Mary Tyler Moore wore pants on TV. Not to the women watching, who weren't exactly wearing vacuuming in pearls and heels, but to the network and the sponsors. You know. The men in charge. The men who had an idea of what women on TV should be, which was heavy on attractiveness, while the women themselves were dressed for function and freedom of movement. Still pretty on the nose, apparently.
I suppose it’s not actually a bad time to (lightly!) stock up on whatever, since most of our clothing is from overseas and apparently we’re going to impose huge tariffs on foreign goods, which will inevitably be passed on to the consumer. I don’t want to get too into the weeds of the crimes of fast fashion (right now, anyway), but perhaps something pre-owned might be in order instead. Their favorite discontinued jeans, another one of the sweater you once ruined, the type of bag they always wanted in college but couldn't afford that is now considered “vintage” 😭, a jaunty coat for a climate change-induced cold snap. I guess I will plug here that if you've never used Poshmark before, you can use my link for $10 free. You gotta be sure to filter for “closet” not “boutique” if you want the real stuff, but there are some good finds. (Like my early 00s era ~vintage~ Kate Spade purse lol.)
A Costco box of condoms
Although many of the states that had abortion rights on the ballot did pass it, not all everyone has the same rights. (Didn’t realize the Declaration of Independence said life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are inalienable rights, unless you live in Idaho, Texas, Florida, etc.) And with the Republicans explicitly saying they want to repeal the Affordable Care Act, our already-expensive healthcare could get worse. Having a baby was expensive even before they could deny you coverage because you had acne as a teenager! So until we can make our country into a place that is even remotely somewhere you might want to birth a child, gift everyone in your life a giant box of condoms from Costco.
Do not buy them from Amazon, which we lived without before and you can likely live without now. Costco is where it’s at. I don't know the Costco founder’s name. The only thing I know about him is that he threatened to murder the CEO if they increased the price of the hot dog. It's a far cry from Jeff “a lot of questions about my ‘the newspaper I own didn't decline to endorse a candidate to protect my government contracts’ t-shirt that are already answered by my shirt” Bozo Bezos. Also, people seem to genuinely enjoy working at Costco, and Amazon makes people keep working when their coworker dies on the floor.
Speaking of the government interfering with one’s uterus, maybe you’re thinking about removing the period tracking app from your phone. I use one called drip that only stores info locally on the phone, which might be acceptable to you, or I believe Clue is based in the EU and is not going to hand over your data without a warrant like Ring handing video to the cops whenever they ask. Or maybe you’re ready to go full analog, in an abundance of caution. That’s cool too! Just don't start winging it. It is important for anyone who could possibly get pregnant to still track menstruation (as much as is possible) because obviously the sooner you know the better your options. (Not every pregnancy is as cursed as my first one, where I was immediately SO SICK, even multiple days before I could test. Everyone knew, which really takes the wind out of announcing it when you walk in and someone says “You look awful! Are you pregnant?” Or you say “I’m pregnant” and they say “I know. I figured it out when you couldn’t stand the smell of my Triscuits.”) There are printable trackers you can buy on Etsy or wherever, or might I suggest the technique I used for years: a pocket calendar.
Evidence that’s easy to control/destroy AND a convenient way to see your month at a glance, what’s not to like? If you’ve read Sally Thorne’s The Hating Game, you’ll recall the love interest had a secret code in his planner related to the main character. You could go similarly subtle, if you wanted. A dot, a tally mark, whatever. I'm just saying, depending on what state you live in and your anxiety, maybe this is the year we all get really into a physical planner.
A library card
If there’s two things the current iteration of the Republican party hates, it’s an informed populace and things that exist for the general good. (Which is why they hate public education. RIP, Department of Education. No Child Left Behind sucked, but at least you were trying. And at least there were IEPs.) So naturally they hate the concept and existence of the library. Why let people borrow books for free, when you can privatize it AND turn it into a Subscription as a Solution monthly fee??
Libraries are one of the few remaining third spaces, especially ones where you don’t have to pay money. You’ve got the library, public parks (I’m sure they want to kill those too) and I guess church, but…ew. But really, how many places are there where you can go hang for as long as you want without spending money? Not malls. No social obligation to spend money to use the bathroom? Not coffee shops. Libraries are one of the best things about our society, so of course you’ve got brainrotted podcast bros mad because they have to pay like eleven dollars a year in taxes to support the library even though they don’t use it. Which, duh, we can tell.
But okay, as much as I love the library and believe unrestricted access to books is important, you can’t actually gift a library card to someone. Maybe you could help someone get theirs, or show them how to connect their card to Libby? Or maybe you have a voracious library utilizer in your life, and you donate to their local Friends of the Library group in their name. Anything to support libraries, which were already under constant threats, both budgetarily and censorially.
Postage stamps
Speaking of the common good, why do Republicans hate the United States Postal Service so damn much? It is one of the best things in this stupid place. Do you know why FedEx has the SmartPost program, where they get the package to the right city and then the post office does the “last mile”? Because that last leg is the most expensive part of delivering a package for FedEx, but USPS “is already going to every house every day”. As though it’s cheap or easy for the postal service! No, they do it because once upon a time the government committed to ensuring everyone had access to mail delivery, because that was all there was at the time. (Good luck trying to create the postal service in this political era!) One of my PET PEEVES is when people talk about USPS “operating at a loss.” They are not MEANT to make a profit! They are a government service, and should be funded appropriately! Does the city park make a profit?? Of course not!
The advantage of mail is that it’s offline. I’m sure under an authoritarian regime they can claim that you’re using it to plan a crime and interfere with your mail, but it’s at least harder to tap than phones! (Fun side story, I briefly dated someone who was doing translation work on a wiretap. I went to visit him in San Francisco, but we actually didn’t get too much time to hang because he was working nights. Because that’s when the mob is active! Great city, though. Serendipitously stumbled upon the original Swensen’s, which was a delightful throwback to my childhood.)
The bigger picture here is that we need to cultivate offline lives. For privacy, for mental health, even for the hobby of it—I delight in writing letters and actually would think a roll of stamps a great gift. They have gotten expensive…which is also kind of the Republicans’ fault. You could also go with a nice pen, or what I am actually leaning towards getting this year: personalized stationery.
Books
Books are already being banned. I mean, there’s always been some light interest in it, but they are doubling, tripling down. And now with Project 2025 (which yes, Trump denounced when it started getting negative press, but considering that the foreword was written by JANCE DANCE VANCE, I think we can comfortably assume that at least some of those propositions are going to be on the table) wanting to deem everyone sex offenders, things could get bad. We can’t even rely on the Supreme Court to uphold Miller v. California’s test for obscenity. It’s going to be some Moms for Liberty asshole deciding if a book “lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value.”
I’ve seen a lot of people on Instagram talk about how it feels weird to just go back to posting about normal stuff, and I get that. But we need to keep talking about the literary and artistic value of books that the Republicans want to brand as obscene. We’re not going to obey in advance. We’re not going to accept that sexual content = pornography. So we’re going to keep reading and buying and talking about books. It’s not all we’re going to do, but we’re definitely not going to stop.
This is probably where I should recommend a book. But I’m going to mix it up and suggest something I haven’t read yet. I have an advance copy of A Gentleman’s Gentleman by TJ Alexander that I am so looking forward to it that I’m going to break my ARC protocol and read it next, even though it doesn’t come out until March and I have like, a dozen that should come before it. It’s a trans Regency romance that sounds so great. I actually read Regency romances long before I ever got into contemporaries, so it’s always fun to return to my roots, as it were. And of course, trans people have always existed, even if they didn’t always use the same terminology or have the same concepts of gender as we do now, so it’s always nice to see queer rep in historical romances.
Something handmade
Last year I recommended gifting something handmade as a passive aggressive move, but this year I’m suggesting it as a mental health thing.
I’m convinced that part of the reason a lot of people got really into baking sourdough during the pandemic is because it is both creative and control. There was a lot of uncertainty, but at least you could feed your starter on schedule, you know? But the other side is the creation, taking raw ingredients and turning it into something edible. It’s art that you can eat. So I think it’s important for all of us to have a creative outlet, whether it’s writing books or coloring or baking or cross stitching.
I actually briefly got into cross stitching during the pandemic. My friend owned a bookstore at the time, so I ordered one of the kits she sold. This was the goal:
This was how far I got before I realized I don’t have the near distance vision for this particular craft:
My friend El designed a bunch of cross stitch patterns, and while I find the Taylor Swift ones almost mind-meltingly impressive, it’s the The Good Place-themed frogurt one that really captures my heart. Almost makes me wish I had the patience (and vision) for it. But they all would make a great gift. Wouldn’t a cross stitch of your bestie’s favorite T.Swizzle album be so much cooler than anything you could buy on the ‘Zon?? I’m just sayin.
Maybe you’re not into doing arts and crafts, but you agree that something unique is better than something mass produced in China. What then? Etsy has become a miserable cesspool of dropshippers, so it’s hard to find things that are truly handmade, even with their supposed new rules. One has to do more legwork. Find an artist you like on Instagram or Bluesky (there’s no algorithm to suppress self-promotion or encourage rage bait, it’s so much better than Threads) then see if they have anything posted for sale or are open for commissions. Supporting artists directly is mutual aid! In the words of the Hunger Games, remember who the real enemy is. (It's billionaires.)
In Other News…
OK Go posted the “Here We Go Again” video with Pop Up Video-style trivia superimposed on it, and it brought even more joy than that video already does (which is a LOT).
And then I posted it to my Stories and my friend Jessie sent me a link to a TikTok (which because I do not have the app I can only view if I go to the Big Computer and type in the URL, but I do, this is how dedicated I am to viewing the content my pals send me!) of some kids doing it at their high school talent show, which is even more charming, but which Substack doesn’t embed so you have to click the link to watch it.
We need to keep finding and enjoying and sharing things that bring us happiness. They want us to be sad and afraid. They want us to give up. Joy IS resistance. So if you (or someone in your house) want to put up your Christmas tree now? Go for it. We did ours over the weekend, because my kids really wanted to and what is time anyway? Want to buy a 2+ pound bucket of Boursin Garlic & Fine Herbs cheese? Sounds delicious. Color your hair a non-natural color? Check the work handbook first, but go wild. Adopt a pet? Maybe let that simmer for some contemplation first, but then forge ahead if you're sure you're ready. We're in it for the long haul, so let's sieze what joy we can in the meantime.