On fall break
Or, tales from my week of houseguests
I had a timely, themed post started that I just needed to work on over the weekend, as I usually try to do. But y'all. We had house guests for eight days. I do not have the strength for a single drop of vulnerability or whatever, because I have used up all of my executive function on emotional regulation.
I don't mind house guests, conceptually. It is a deeply held core belief of mine that the adage about fish and houseguests stinking after 72 hours is not only true, but generous. Some start stinking immediately! By 72 hours you're at health and safety violations! But it varies. Some houseguests arrive fresher than others, shall we say.
Anyway, in lieu of visiting during the holidays, my husband's parents came during fall break. Joke's on them, the weather sucked. Should've come in December, lol. But who needs to escape man-sized snowbanks for perfect weather?? Not them!
I did not take the entirety of fall break off, having a job that has like, responsibilities and whatnot (thanks, I hate it). But I did take a couple days off so we could do some stuff. Which I will now recount for you, redacting all of the parts of the stories where I really just want to complain.
They arrived around noon last Sunday, ready for lunch. Unfortunately for them, I was in the middle of trying out a coffee cake recipe and they had to wait to eat 😢. [Almost like they could have eaten before they came!] I made the recipe as written, with pecans, and also a loaf without nuts, because my kids won't eat them and certain people “can't” (also won't). [Redacted complaint about someone leaving a quarter inch sliver instead of just finishing the loaf.]
Monday I worked, but I took Tuesday off. We went to IKEA for a couple of things, wound up with a bunch of things. What we went in meaning to get: shelf for my books, shelf for husband's funko display, hangers. What we also got: food storage containers (for food), food storage containers (for perler beads), large cloth reusable bags, stuffed pandas, potted plant, small rainbow bag, etc. When I was checking out, I was talking to the woman at the register about how we'd come in for just a couple of things, but ended up with a bunch more. “Did you get the things you came for?” she asked, and I acknowledged that I did. She kind of shrugged and winked. Touché, ma'am.
The trip to IKEA was multifold: get those things we needed, spend my birthday coupon (it's on Friday, add it to your calendar)1, and it is right next to the arcade/entertainment center Main Event. We did our library's summer reading program, and one of the prizes was your choice of one hour of gameplay, one game of laser tag, or a $10 game card. I figured we'd get the most mileage from the one hour option, even if we didn't win tickets. Frankly, it's better not to have tickets, because I do not need more cheap plastic tchotchkes in my house (have I mentioned my husband recently acquired a 3D printer? If you need plastic tchotchkes, have we ever got you covered).
I figured Main Event wouldn't be too busy at noon on Tuesday (hat tip, Sheryl Crow) and it was even emptier than I anticipated, even though it was fall break. No complaints from me on that front! [I do have complaints on the overall volume level of the place, the number of games that weren't working, and the ride my kid made me go on that I can still feel vibrating in my ears, if I think about it too much.] Still it was free and fun, a parenting slam dunk.
Wednesday and Thursday I was back at work, with my children guessing how many calls I would end up in that day. It's always more than you think. [Complaint: my employer is not on the Unlimited Meetings plan; they definitely should be paying overage fees.] Thursday was especially grim because I had to lead one of the meetings, which is double draining, trying to get people to participate. But multiple people said (unprompted!!) how much they enjoyed the exercise I created, so put that on my year end evaluation impact statement.
Friday I was off again, and had planned a trip to one of my favorite outdoorsy places in Arizona: the Tonto Natural Bridge. (I should point out that I've never been to the big ticket locations, the Grand Canyon and Kartchner Caverns, for various reasons, one of which being that Arizonans do not generally go to the Grand Canyon.) State park passes were another summer reading prize, so I was really making hay last week with the free activities.
The bridge is up in the mountains, about 20 minutes north of Payson, which itself is at 5000 feet elevation, so you'd think the weather would have been pleasant, a third of the way through October, but you'd be WRONG. That's not entirely fair; it was nice in the shade, but hiking down to the canyon bottom in full sun was rough. The inlaws opted to stay above, which was probably for the best, because the hike gets a lil rough. Apparently, somehow, I am in the best shape of anyone in my family (over a month straight of 30+ minutes a day on the treadmill, please clap) because I was the only one not complaining bitterly, and even I managed to briefly get to 94% of my old lady maximum heart rate (220 minus your age means your MHR goes down every year!).
They whined about the hike, but little did they know I was practically drawing blood biting my tongue to refrain from dropping geology knowledge, which naturally would have compounded their complaints. It's the world's largest known travertine bridge! The travertine was formed by the same process as stalactites! Not once did I point out that the lines in the mountain shows that the rocks were formed and then lifted (because sediment doesn't settle at an angle like that). I didn't even make them stop and read the informational signs. Truly, a model of restraint.
Anyway, after we hiked down and back (it's a whole two thirds of a mile round trip) we had a picnic under a ramada, with only me ending up partially in the sun (the SACRIFICES I make!). I did get the only strawberry Fruit by the Foot, because as I told my daughter, when one of them plans, prepares, and executes an activity, they can have first flavor choice.
Finally, over the weekend I started brainstorming/crowdsourcing items for a house guests bingo card, to prepare for next time and because I was starting to lose my grip maybe just a bit. And people delivered: tells you stories about people you don't know, shows you something on Facebook, insists on doing the dishes but then loads the dishwasher wrong, passive aggressive comments about ___ (fill in the blank: parenting, food, etc), takes over your favorite spot on the couch, invites over friends who live in town without consulting you first, needs daily touristy planned outings, the “what should we have for dinner” dance. My friends get it.
Originally I wasn’t going to have a book tie-in for this issue (the horror!), but then I remembered that the female main character in Olivia Dade's Spoiler Alert is a geologist! She even mentions in passing the risk of a massive earthquake in the PNW, which involves my favorite tectonic plate!2 And both the male and female main characters have parents who would make terrible house guests. AND the ebook is/was on sale for $1.99 as of this writing. It was meant to be, I tell ya.
The Spoiler Alert series is about actors in a Game of Thrones-esque TV show that goes off the rails when they run out of published books to adapt. The first book revolves around a woman who writes fan fiction about the books/show and her fellow-author online pal…who is also the star of the show. Hidden identities! Deception! Aforementioned parental drama! Talking about rocks! What’s not to love, really.
A lot of the plot threads are on the theme of inadequacy, and who makes them feel it. Which is just SUCH a classic parent thing, right? It's so easy to fall into those childhood patterns, even for successful, independent adults. Which is probably part of why having family as house guests is such a pain, with people slipping right back into those relationship grooves. That, or they act like they're at a hotel and you are concierge, housekeeping, and chef all in one. Or as the line goes, por que no los dos?
Why do adult women always make such a big deal about birthdays, people (men) love to ask? Just spitballing here, but could it be because women, especially moms, are constantly putting everyone else first that they relish the one day (or week, or month!) where they get to celebrate themselves and put their desires first?? And even then, I still consider what everyone else will eat when making my restaurant selection! It's never truly, fully about just me. I am physically incapable of being selfish at this point.
If you don't have a favorite tectonic plate, you can borrow mine, which is the Juan de Fuca plate. In addition to being fun to say, it's a small plate that theoretically will eventually disappear, as it's being pulled under the North America plate at the Cascadia subduction zone. This is where the looming Big One will happen in the Pacific Northwest. And they are not ready for it, which is one of my big deterrents to moving up there (along with my overall lack of Big Tech money). I could probably talk about the CSZ for a while. Volcanos! Orphan tsunami! Ghost forest! Thunderbird and Whale oral tradition! You gotta google it!!
Hello, I'd like to book the guided geological tour of both the Tonto bridge and the PNW/CSZ. That photo really helps put the bridge in perspective! Much bigger than I initially thought.